Godforsaken Valentine
by Auttzthoughtz
Summary: Aftermath of "My Bloody Valentine" episode from season five. Dean is trying to deal with the angst of nothingness, and feeling like he has no free will. Castiel is there to prove those bastards wrong for saying those things to Dean. One-shot. SLASH. Destiel.


Castiel's POV

Dean looks positively destroyed. This is beyond any condition I have ever known him to be in.

Sam has been compromised in battle before. Sam has run away with Ruby, and went full demon on Dean's watch before. This should be practically a cake walk to Dean.

Something's not right. Even if I couldn't sense it, I could easily see it. Anyone who could pay attention to him for two seconds could tell.

I told Bobby to man the cell for a few minutes, while I went to go check on Dean. I know Dean thinks he needs some space, and that's why he's excused himself. I beg to differ. I know he needs someone to talk things through with, and whether he likes it or not, I'm pretty much the only rational person left to talk things through with.

I walk outside, and I see Dean standing outside his Impala. He is…shaking for some reason. Could he be crying? I run over to him, and I stand directly in front of him.

He doesn't see me. His eyes are closed, and all I hear is his outward plea to the world. "Please, help me."

I don't know what else to do, so I gather him into my arms, hoping it will take him out of his trance. It does. When I pull away, Dean is looking at me. Although, I can barely believe it's him.

This warrior, this man that I admire so much, has tears streaming all down his face. "Dean, what's wrong? You can talk to me."

"Cas, I don't even know where to start. I can't do this anymore." Dean says, squeezing his eyes shut again.

"What, Dean, what can't you do anymore?" I plead. I want to know more than anything to know what is eating away at him. I want more than anything to fix him, and to not ever let him be this broken again.

Dean takes a deep breath, and then looks at me again. "I can't keep Sammy human forever. I can't fight the devil without help. I can't be…everything. Cas, I am empty. That's why that horsemen guy couldn't affect me. No kind of hunger can fix what I have been through, and am going through. Nothing can give me what I truly want."

I keep my calm, as to try and keep him calm. "What is it that you want, Dean?"

"I want my brother not to be a blood sucking monster! I want somebody else to be Michael's stupid vessel. I want…free will. I want to make my own destiny, and not have some angels that aren't even being directed by God anymore mapped it out for me. I want my own, happy life. Why can't I just have something in my life that they don't plan for me?"

"You are the one who taught me free will is real, Dean. Don't let some contorted brother of mine tell you differently. You can have what you want! Dean, eventually Sam will heal. You're not alone in this fight, you have Bobby…and you have me. The rest will come along, I promise. Don't give up now. Don't contradict yourself, after you have done for us all." I said slowly, feeling tears come to my eyes.

I saw the ghost of a smile pass over Dean's lips. "I guess you are the best proof of free will, huh Cas?"

"If you'd like to put it that way, I suppose you wouldn't be wrong." I said with a small smile. It felt good, having even the slightest of a compliment coming from him. Dean moved impossibly closer, and my breathing became remarkably shallow. "Dean, what are you doing?"

I barely got out the question before his lips were on mine. Before I could let myself think this over rationally, my hands were twirling around him and I was kissing him back. He turned me around, and pressed me against the Impala.

That's the point where I had to push him away. Firstly, it was priority to catch my breath. But, realistically, it was so I could find out what the heck was going on here.

I didn't even have to ask any questions, before Dean started rambling off the answers for me. "This, whatever the hell this is, feels real. I don't feel like nothing with you, Cas. Something about you makes me feel like I'm happy, and real, and not alone. And, the way I want you right now…is the sole proof that I have free will. Because, what cupid in their right mind would be suicidal enough to set up an angel and…well, me?"

I smiled, and yanked him back down to me. We kissed fiercely, and we grinded against each other in a way I thought too delicious to be imagined. Before I knew it, we had each other undressed and I was lying back on the hood of his Impala. The idea to be ashamed of myself briefly crossed my mind, before I saw Dean eying me hungrily.

I groaned as I wrapped my legs around Dean's waist, and he drove his member inside me. Dean watched me curiously, testing my reaction. I realize this should be painful, my first time and all. But, as I watched Dean leaning over me in this way, all I could think of was the pleasure of it all. I smiled up at him, and muttered few choice words. "Are you going to move, or do we just stay like this? Either way sounds good."

Dean laughed, and I smiled even brighter at the sight of his face so happy again. He starting thrusting fast and hard and I grasped the edges of the car's hood to keep steady. Dean continued thrusting pleasurably that way, until he saw the dents I may have been making in his car.

With that, I felt his strong arms gather me up. "Keep your grip on me, Cas. Don't worry, this'll be fun."

Dean picked me up off the Impala, and walked me over to nearby wall. When he had me pressed up against that wall, he drilled into me so hard that I was surprised me eyes didn't roll back. I gripped onto him with my hands and heels, and moved with him until the ride came to an end. I was first to finish, and then he followed almost instantly.

After we were finished, Dean pulled out and attempted to let me down. For some reason, I couldn't seem to stand up. "Dean, I…if you could just…"

Dean bit his lip, clearly trying not to laugh. "Man, am I ever good."

"I'm guessing so. It's either that, or incredibly evil for paralyzing me." I said slowly.

Dean finally couldn't handle it anymore, and burst out laughing. "It won't last forever, Cas. At least, I'd hope not. Although, means that you don't have to take guard duty tonight."

I raised an eyebrow. "Are you going back for guard duty?"

Dean carried me towards the Impala, and laid me down in the backseat. Against what I was expecting, he crawled in right beside me. "Nope, I think I deserve some rest. Bobby can handle a few hours."

"If someone comes, a threat, will he run them over with his wheelchair?" I asked curiously.

Dean laughed again, and pulled me to him in a kind embrace. "I guess that'll have to do. If he needs us, he will yell for help."

"Are you going to be okay?" I ask gently. I remembered earlier, when he was ready to give up, and couldn't help but wonder.

Dean smiled, and nodded. "I've got you, and I've apparently got free will. Who's giving up now?"


End file.
